Today marks 2 years since the day I was diagnosed. Inevitably I can’t help but think back to that awful moment when life has never felt the same. I still have the audio recording on my phone of the conversation that took place when I was told that I had breast cancer. I don’t listen back to it, it’s just there.
Two years on and we’re still trying to get back on our feet financially. The cost of cancer is something you often hear about but we have experienced it first-hand. It’ll be another 2 years till we pay off the loan we took out for childcare when I had chemotherapy and wasn’t strong enough to look after my children.
On the positive side, life is beginning to feel like it’s getting back to normal. We’re into a routine, I’m back to work and medical appointments are thankfully less frequent. Next week though is my 6 month check and I’ll be back at the Marsden. Bloods will be taken to look to see if my markers are still within normal range. They are looking for signs of reoccurring cancer or common secondary cancers. June will be the annual mammogram.
The decision I need to make is whether to have further reconstructive surgery or not. The fat grafting I had back in August reabsorbed leaving the hollow dip on my left chest still noticeable. Surgery could improve this however the thought of going through surgery again weighs heavy on my mind. Part of me thinks my body has been through enough and will it be worthwhile whilst the other half thinks, after what you’ve been through just have the surgery and get your body back to how it was.
Sadly a few months ago a friend and colleague was diagnosed with breast cancer. Upon hearing the news, I felt devastated for her. She is now undergoing treatment at the Marsden and I hope and pray that she remains strong because it does test you and take everything out of you.
I’ve signed up to a 10K Race for Life in June. This is something I'm excited about as I have wanted to do a charity run for a while but only now do I feel strong enough. Life goes on. I’m very conscious of time generally and the fact I feel I’m living on borrowed time. Each event in the year is significant whereas before, I have to admit I took things for granted. I do wonder how many Christmases I’ll experience; how many New Years I’ll be here for. I think most people living with cancer have these thoughts. Growing old really is a privilege.
For the time being, I’ll keep focusing on the here and now.
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