The support received on this journey is something I'll never forget.
“Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. -Val Saintsbury”
Throughout this journey numerous healthcare professionals, family and friends have contributed to my care. A few have stood out and it's through their extraordinary kindness that I am here and getting through each day.
A month after diagnosis, I attended my first complimentary therapy session at a McMillan Centre. I told a therapist who gave me a massage that it was so generous of her to give up her time to do this for cancer patients. She stopped me and said "Paula, this is a privilege to treat people like you and make you feel better." Those are words I won't forget.
After diagnosis I spent 4 remaining months at work. The only people I chose to tell were my immediate team. I'm fortunate enough to work for a supportive employer who ensured I could speak to a RedArc nurse for support. Whenever I got a call, whether it was from RedArc, about results or an upcoming appointment, privacy was key. As soon as my colleagues heard the phone ring, they would book out a meeting room and in that moment it's all you need. Just a quiet place to talk. When I had wobbles, they were there for a hug. Our team meetings were sometimes like a little therapy session. These colleagues whom I consider genuine close friends were fantastic and their ongoing kindness means the world to me. Thank you.
The morning following the birth of our daughter, the happiness bubble popped when I was sent for a mammogram just hours after giving birth. The two Irish ladies were so kind, offering advice and compassion. They were honest and asked if I knew my diagnosis. I told them it was suspected DCIS less than 1cm in size and that I'd need a lumpectomy. They showed me the screen which showed what I know now was sparse calcification indicating a much larger area of cancer was present. They said they'd do what they could to pull a few strings and rearrange my MRI scan earlier. Afterwards they offered to personally wheel me back up to the ward as they knew how anxious I was to get back to my newborn daughter. Better that then wait in the corridor for a porter. It's the small things that make a world of difference in this situation.
During a CT scan, after yet more tragic news hit our family with my Mum's stroke, I had a day I could no longer face. I cried so hard as two ladies set up to perform my CT scan. They told me to let it out. I cried for a long time. They said imagine how many women there are in this world supporting other women like you. We're here for eachother to fight against this disease, when you're feeling low just think about all the women in the world supporting you.
Friends I have grown up with since childhood have young babies and both have donated their breastmilk for Clara. This is a gift you never could foresee yourself asking for or appreciating in the way that I do now. Thank you Zara, Holly and Chloe for your kindness.
Our children's godparents have all been there. You always hope you'll never find yourself in this situation but they have all parented our little angels and taken the greatest care of them. Thank you Dave M, Dave S, James, Sarah, Samantha, Julia and Lesley. They say you can't choose your family, but we chose you as godparents and you are fulfilling your roles incredibly.
Whilst I've been in hospital (and before), our amazing childminder Kamil, close friends and family have come to the rescue helping to care for our two children. We've lost count of the number of appointments and scans we've attended. Joey has loved all his playdates and asks everyday who is coming to play with him. This care has helped put our minds at ease so I can focus on recovering. Thank you for your ongoing acts of kindness, generosity, love and support.
Sarah, thank you for being there. For making it your mission to express your breastmilk so we could feed Clara. You were up all hours making this possible when you had your own baby to feed. You amaze me that however far away you live, you find other ways to be here as much as possible. I never knew moonpig could deliver so many thoughtful things! You live life to the full and I enjoy living the way you do sometimes. We may not always see eye to eye but you are my one and only sister and I appreciate your love. I can’t wait for your arrival this weekend.
Dad, you are one of the most selfless people I know. Not only to spend your time working to support Pat but to make time to be here throughout the journey. You have offered James and I so many date nights out to spend time with one another when I know deep down you wanted to sometimes spend that time with me. You have held my hand, sat outside many waiting rooms whilst I’ve been scanned, tested or operated on, you’ve read out inspirational poems, bought some of the supportive garments needed post op and helped James look after our children.
Mum, you are my inspiration, friend and co-parent. I can’t believe we almost lost you when you had your stroke. We will get you back home very soon, I promise. I want to sit beside you again and give you the biggest hug. I cannot list everything you’ve done for us, it would be impossible. There has been a painful emptiness not having you here during surgery. I did my best before coming in here to hurry along your recovery and you are progressing and improving every time. I miss you every day. Your room is always ready for you to stay at our house whenever you want.
And James. My best friend and soul mate. 2018 marks our 10 years together and 5 years of marriage. When we promised each other to be there through sickness and in health, I don’t think either of us expected to be tested as early on in life as this. You’ve been my constant shoulder to cry on day and night. Before any of this happened we always promised to live life sharing experiences. Whilst we buy each other small tokens (so Joey has something to open), let’s continue using any spare money to enjoy experiences and making memories. Whilst I’ve been in hospital I’ve written an initial list of all the things I want to do with you. And don’t worry, they’re not all going to cost a fortune! Thank you for everything, above all for respecting the privacy I’ve needed to tell everyone in my own time. The only time you've missed an appointment is when I've insisted I'd be ok. Let's keep going hand in hand and get through this. I know you would do absolutely anything for me and our children. I love you with all my heart.
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