The wait and anticipation of what's to come.
“The wait and anticipation was unmanageable at times.”
Knowing you are carrying a little life inside of you, but having the rest of your world fall apart brings so many mixed emotions. It makes you think differently, see things differently and at times harbour some dark thoughts. I’ve thought about the worst case scenario, and tried to plan for that eventuality. We’ve made enquiries about drafting our will and I’ve written down my wishes.
The hardest part has been the fact that I don't feel unwell at all. Yes I've felt tired, but who doesn't when pregnant? It would be easier to come to terms with the diagnosis if it was self inflicted. For example if I chain smoked then was told I had lung cancer. I've had to accept that some things are unexplained. I have no risk factors for cancer, and no family history.
Sometimes you are dealt a bad card and there's nothing you can do but try to accept it, do your research to understand your diagnosis then await treatment. So that's what I did. It was a waiting game, full of anticipation. The only bonus was that the obstetrician requested fortnightly baby scans so seeing our daughter grow healthily inside me was a key factor in keeping positive.
That along with being busied with our energetic and loveable son.
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